I Want to Be a Cloud
by unoriginalusername
Summary: Kim Tan promises not seek out Eun Sang anymore. Can Eun Sang now lead a normal life? And what does it mean for Young Do?


**Hey guys! Excuse my shit writing, this is my second fanfic to date. I adore Choi Young Do and Cha Eun Sang as a pair. After reading one super amazig fanfic featuring this pair and the distress I faced after I noticed how little fanfic about these two there was out there, I was inspired to write my own. So here goes nothing.**

**Oddly enough the title of this piece was inspire by a Turkish drama called Bir Bulut Olsam (I Wish I Were a Cloud). I saw some similar abstract themes in these two dramas, hence the title. Kim Tan vows to never seek out Eun Sang.**

He could never trully understand. That was their fatal flaw. He didn't understand her world. He didn't want to understand her world. He wanted to be her world. But she didn't want that. Her world was cold, cruel, and unforgiving. Not much different than his own. But he never fully experienced these harsh realities. She didn't want false shields, or the shield of another. No, she proudly wore her weathered hands and chapped lips as badges, proof of her perceveirance and hard work. He didn't understand that she wasn't a delicate princess. Lies were his protection. The heavy shields burened her everyday, threatening to crush her. Why can't she be the maids daughter who's expectional score granted her a scholarship? Why can't she be the hard working part-timer who earnestly and diligently earns her keep? He said that his iron lies would shield her from the percesecution from her classmates. But she could sense that it was to shield his shame. He had given her precious memories, but that's all she wanted them to be. A memory lost on the beaches of California. No, he never could trully understand her, and why they couldn't and shouldn't be together. His love was reckless and waivering. He approached her as he pleased, never giving second thought to her will. She questioned his fidelity. He so easily reached for her while Rachel was within his reach as well. He couldn't even do Rachel the decency of ending their formal agreement before he approached her. What if someone new came along? She didn't want to risk it. She didn't want to have to hide her love, and didn't want to fight for it either. She was tired of fighting. She wanted simple, uncomplicated love; love she could be open with, and love that wouldn't ruin her life. His love was selfish and he didn't care what she wanted. He wanted to own her, not walk beside her. She couldn't deny she loved him at some point. But her youthful heart quickly matured and she knew their relationship was toxic. She hoped that if she buried her feelings, with time they would decay. She had to make it clear.

The head of Jeguk group's threats had forced Cha Eun Sang and her mother to move to the seaside. Partly aggrivated that she had to uproot her life, but partly relieved because at least her family would be at peace, Cha Eun Sang was hoping to start a new life with her mother. But her found her. How had he found her? The frustration stung her eyes.

"Cha Eun Sang, I have something to say."

"I'm done listening to you. For once, I have something to say, and I expect you to listen. How did you even find me? Why do you perstering me? Don't you see you're the reason I had to leave my hometown? Don't you know that you're the reason my mother lost her job? I told you I don't want to be with you anymore. Why can't you undestand that?"

"Cha Eun Sang! How can you say that? I know your heart still holds feelings for me." He stepped forward to try to kiss her, but she shove him away.

"My heart? What you know about my heart? You've just proved my point. You don't listen. You don't care about me. My heart is hurting because I've been forced to leave my home because of our relationship. My heart bleeds for my mother who must struggle to find new work. You don't know anything about what's in my heart. If you did, you wouldn't be hear. Do you realize if some catched you hear, my mother and I will suffer the consequences. You just do what you want because you've never had any repercutions to your actions. But look around you Kim Tan. This is the real world where actions have consequences. And I won't let my actions hurt what I truly keep close to my heart."

Kim Tan stood there, trying desperatly to digest everything Cha Eun Sang had told him.

"Am I really that much of a burden in your life? Do you really hate me that much?

"I never said I hated you. And if I'm honest, I did love you at one point. But not anymore. You are a burden, Kim Tan. The burden weighs down on me every single day. I can't carry the load anymore. Won't you please, let me float from now on?" Cha Eun Sang begged with a ragged voice. The tears that stood on hear eyes finally began to fall. If he had any morcel of genuine care for her, she hoped he would let her free.

"Okay." He croaked out.

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Kim Tan looked as if he was on the verge of tears. He put his arms around her for one last embrace. He buried his face in her tresses and whispered "I loved you the only way I knew how. I hope you understood that." He leaned back and saw the relief on her face and it pained him. Did he really cause her that much grief? He leaned in once again for a parting peck on her forehead. Eun Sang closed her eyes when she felt his lips touch her skin. She could feel her worried beginning to wash away. Kim Tan glanced at her once more.

"Good by Cha Eun Sang. I hope you can live easily from now on."

"Thank you Kim Tan. Live well."

She watched him walk away. With every step he look she could see her new life walking towards her. Her heart ached, he was her first love. Time would heal her, she told herself. She made the right choice, she insited to herself. At the very least some food would make her feel better. Eun Sang headed home praying her mother's delicious food would give her some strength.


End file.
